Our better halves...

I had a few free moments last night from the campaign and decided to spend it watching the Democratic National Convention. There’s nothing better than relaxing in my massive lounge chair and loosening the ole’ neck bolts after a hard day on the campaign trail and I was anxious to hear what Hillary Clinton had to say during her speech.

As they wheeled her to the stage in what I can only imagine to be some sort of Hannibal Lector style dolly, I thought back on the history of women in politics. Last night after all marked the 89th anniversary of women receiving the right to vote and becoming full citizens of this country. As anyone familiar with my past knows, I’m well schooled on suffrage, or any other means of suffering for that matter, and I take this issue very personally.

It’s been 24 years since Geraldine Ferraro was nominated as a Vice Presidential candidate and women have come a long way since then. Geraldine has always been very outspoken in saying that her nomination was due to in large part because she was a woman, not due to her politics, and I wanted to address this fact.

Now, I don’t know much about women as they tend to be somewhat intimidated by me. Based on my limited interactions though, I can tell you that they have very wide eyes, love to scream, largely consist of active sprinters and epileptics, and are always crying at the drop of a hat.

This normally doesn’t sound like a very good political candidate, but I still hold them in the highest of regards. Women tend to smell much better than I do and, while they are usually in hysterics, have proven to be highly intelligent. For this reason, I’m not at all discounting the possibility of selecting a female candidate for my running mate. Or is it mattress? I don’t think that’s right. But either way, it’s a possibility!

Several scary women are on my shortlist of viable choices and I’m weighing each of them carefully - after all, I can’t have one weighing more than I do or else Air Force One can’t carry us…I’m over 400 lbs.

I’m anxious to hear from our female voters on this possibility and for them to have their voices heard during my entire presidential campaign. You can reply right here on http://www.FrankNStein2008.com/ and I’ll be available with any questions or concerns.

In the meantime, stay scary America!

- Frank N. Stein