Monster…Freak…Creature…President?

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.

Shakespeare said it best…I don’t think he had me in mind however.

The campaign is underway and the road ahead is wrought with challenges. It will be a journey that will take us out of the swamps and into the spotlight. It will take the lowliest of creatures and transport them to the heights of power. And ultimately, when we reach the pinnacle of our hard work and determination, we’ll be standing on the precipice of real change in America...behind our giant desk in the White House.

I recently had the opportunity to speak to a young girl as I was roaming the countryside during my morning moaning. After she was done hysterically crying (sometimes people don’t know how to react among public figures), she looked up at me and simply said, “What the….”. She didn’t need to say any more, I knew what she meant, “What the heck is the plan you have for America, Frank?”

Well I’m glad she asked me that question and as she ran off screaming into the distance (obviously to tell her friends about meeting a celebrity) I pondered it myself. Sure, I have the looks, talent, charm, charisma and fashionable neck bolts required of any public servant, but did I have a plan? Well young lady, I’d like to take this opportunity to say yes…yes I do.

My plan is five-fold but the basic fundamentals are S.C.A.R.E:

Scream for change
Challenge the status quo
Attack crime and poverty
Re-establish a monster middle class
Educate the public on villager abuses

You’ll see these five points come to greater lucidity during the coming weeks and months ahead but my mandate remains clear - SCARE some sense into the voters of America.

I’ll soon be naming my cabinet which will be comprised of the best and brightest advisors in the fields of: finance, military, education, law, international relations and monster advocacy. The Haunts party will also be selecting our choice for Vice President, who will follow closely along with the SCARE mandate and join me as we head out on the road to a town near you.

Yes, it’s true. We’ll be taking our show on the road and traveling from town to town across America to directly address the tough issues. We ask that in advance of these visits, all fires be put out and all pitchforks be properly stored.

I’ll write more soon, but there’s a lightning storm right now and I need to recharge my batteries…literally.

Until next time, remember…just because it takes a village, doesn’t mean villagers are always right.

Stay scary America!

- Frank